Peace Like a River

Have you ever noticed how life seems to get hard when you are presented with Spiritual Feasts? As a family, we've commented before on how, especially around General Conference, there seems to be more challenges to face and choices to make. For me, the last two General Conferences have been in the middle of craziness - crazy schedules, crazy things going on, and a general sense of "I'm going crazy." This General Conference was no different. Besides my own cycle of injury I'm trying to break out of, three of my friends are going through some really hard times, my Mom has been under major stress at school and has a leadership training meeting coming up (which is always high stress), and my Gorgeous Grandma got a pacemaker on Thursday. Unexpectedly.

Everything turned out okay. My Grandma's procedure went well, and she is recovering. I feel that my efforts to help two of my friends were beneficial. However, I was not able to help my third friend. I feel like I completely let her down. I just ran out of time. Some decisions are hard to make - make time for family or time for a friend in need. With this sense of failing my friend, exhaustion and just in general feeling overwhelmed, I turned to Conference. I was not left in despair. I am truly grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who opened my ears, mind and heart and assuaged my pain. I am grateful for His Spirit that has calmed my troubled heart and lifted me from the bitterness and sorrow I was experiencing. So many messages touched me, but I want to share a few that I particularly don't want to forget.

I missed the General Relief Society Meeting. I had set my VCR to record it, but forgot to rewind the tape. However, the recap of President Uchtdorf's message in the Church News touched me. It seemed to go right along with what he said in the Saturday morning session of Conference. In the Relief Society Meeting, President Uchtdorf told us that as women, "happiness is our heritage." He encouraged us to participate in two activities to invite that happiness into our lives: creating, and being compassionate. I love that he talked about creating - I have had some experiences in my recovery where I have learned the value of creating. Creating is a Godly attribute. It is one of the reasons I am so grateful to be a woman - I have the capacity (and hopefully some day, the opportunity) to create life. I was advised by a counselor once to budget my energy for time to be creative - whether it was scrapbooking or crocheting, cooking, writing or practicing music - that act of creation would help ease the depression I was suffering. I've also learned ( 2 Nephi 2:11-27) that there is opposition in all things. If creating is a Godly attribute, destruction is of the Adversary. It's given me pause over words I choose to use, and how to approach a child's temper tantrum. It's also encouraged me not to give up on a project.

In the Saturday morning session of General Conference, President Uchtdorf spoke of Hope. He said that Faith, Hope and Charity stabilize our lives despite uncertainty; that Hope is a principle of promise and a commandment. We have been commanded to overcome fear and despair and to have hope. I can't wait for the November Ensign to come so I can study this talk some more. President Uchtdorf said that we have things we hope for and things we hope in - I feel a need to study this thought more. He said that hope gives us a reason to rejoice even when all is dark around us. One of his closing thoughts made me smile - "Never give in, never surrender." If you're familiar with Galaxy Quest, you'll see the similarities. And it's true. Never Give In. Never Surrender.

Elder Holland's talk on Saturday afternoon really touched me. I don't really have much to add other than that I have a testimony of everything he said. The transcript will be available on Thursday - I'll try to remember to post it.

Elder Bednar's talk ended a beautiful day of Conference. He spoke on prayer. He said that our prayers can be more meaningful if we give thanks in all things (D&C 59:21) and if we focus on praying for others instead of ourselves (3 Nephi 17:17). But the idea that struck me most was that all things were created spiritually first; therefore, our daily prayer is the spiritual creation of our physical life. I confess that I struggle to remember my morning prayers. It seems a bathroom urgency is usually what wakes me and I forget to go back and take time to start my day with a prayer. But this idea that I need to spiritually create my day first has made a huge impact. I have noticed a difference in how I approach my prayers since.

I am so grateful that, with all the chaos in my life, I was given the opportunity to watch Conference, that the Spirit was able to break through the din of my thoughts and worries. I am grateful that the Lord has blessed us with Prophets and Apostles on the earth today to guide and teach us and bring us closer to our Savior.

Happy Birthday, Countess!!

I have been blessed with the best Mom ever! She is constantly serving others - whether it's going the extra mile for her students, putting together the best leadership meetings and activities for the Stake Primary, or picking up someone's favorite cereal at the store. I have learned the importance of keeping your commitments and doing your best, how to be a caring daughter, and great teaching and parenting techniques from my Mom. My Mom suffered through countless tantrums and arguments to keep me in piano lessons, survived smoking tv dinners when I was in charge of dinner, patiently bore my teenage angst and learned to step out of her comfort zone to help me heal from my health problems. Because of my Mom, I am now able to provide for myself by teaching piano lessons, I enjoy cooking, and have survived not only the teen years, but also serious health problems and am now on the road to recovery. My Mom is SuperMom.

Happy Birthday!

jkRibbit Randomness...

Random the First: I like alliteration. I am aware that I'm a nerd and I'm okay with that.

Random the Second: (I need to preface this with a quick explanation. I am trying to be very careful with my words. I have learned through my experience with my continuing health saga, and even more so with BodyTalk, that everything has an energy - and I'm very susceptible to that energy. So, I'm trying to focus on the positive energy. Hence, I have been trying not to use the term "lose weight." A) the word "lose" has negative connotations. And 2) I never want to "find" that weight again. So, my family and I have been referring to that particular phenomenon as "letting go" - as in "I have let go of 30 pounds in the last year." This particular terminology, for me, says: "I no longer have the need to carry that extra weight, so I am releasing it." We will also sometimes use: "I am 30 pounds lighter than I was a year ago." You get the idea...) So, in case you didn't catch those oh-so-subtle hints -

I let go of 30 pounds!!! I am 30 pounds lighter!!!

Random the Third: I am recording a CD. I wrote a post a few weeks ago about being brave. However, I was not brave enough to announce what I was being brave about and that didn't jive with me. So, I decided to be brave all the way. I'm recording a CD. There will be 12 vocal selections mostly taken from my Broadway repertoire. Tuesday evening, I had my second recording session. It didn't go quite as smoothly as the first one - I was only able to complete two songs instead of the planned three (I'm a bit stuck in a health issue cycle - sprained ankle led to tweaked back, led to knee problems with a sinus infection thrown in the middle for good measure...but I'm determined to perservere :). But I am still happy with how the two turned out. I now have 5/12 done.

Random the Fourth: My siblings crack me up! AngelFish had a conference in Vegas this week. Tergaso thought it would be cool to drive up and spend some time together on the strip since she only has class on Monday and Tuesday and is feeling all cool and grown-up now that she's started her Master's program. (Apparently, she's also turned ghetto. Stay. Cool. Yo.) However, Brunhilde (her car) didn't agree with this plan. I guess what goes to Vegas, stays in Vegas and poor Brunhilde was left in the dust of the Greyhound that took Tergaso back to Claremont. Poor Bruni...

Random the Fifth: I was going through pictures to find my favorites of ScienceBoy and found these awesome pics and had to share. They were taken, I believe, eight years ago. The top one is pretty much what we look like whenever we're together (ie: laughing hysterically). The bottom one is of us pulling it together for a split second. I love these pictures.

Happy Birthday, ScienceBoy!

Okay, so I'm almost two weeks late with this post...but at least the scanner is now officially hooked up to the computer. So, my procrastination means I can post pictures! Also, these pictures are three years old! But they are some of my favorite pictures of ScienceBoy, so I had to post them :)


We have a tradition that the birthday boy (or girl, depending on who's birthday it is...) gets to choose the dinner menu. You would think that a 10-year-old boy would pick something like pizza or hamburgers or macaroni and cheese...but no. ScienceBoy, like his brother SpiderMan in February, completely cracked me up with his distinguished palette. When I called to ask what ScienceBoy would like for dinner at his birthday party, without hesitation of any kind, he answered: artichokes, steak, and some sort of punch, please. Seriously. First thing out of his mouth was "artichokes." He also told me that at the top of his birthday wish list were a mug with his name painted on it and an eagle statue. Again, he's 10! Crazy kid!

Needless to say, he did get his birthday dinner of artichokes and steak - although we forgot about the punch until it was too late. He also got a kit to decorate his own mug and AngelFish and LSOC found him an eagle statue at the fair. I think he had a great birthday.

Easy Pork Chops and Stuffing

This is one of our favorite comfort food meals. And it's SO easy!

4-6 pork chops
1 box stove-top stuffing
(usually the stuffing calls for 1/2 stick of butter)
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1/2 can milk.

Preheat oven to 350. Brown pork chops. Make stuffing according to recipe on box. Put stuffing in 9x12 glass baking dish. Put pork chops on top. Combine soup and milk. Pour over chops and stuffing. Cover with foil and bake for 1 hour 15 minutes. Enjoy :)

Remembering...

Seven years ago:

• I was working in one of the tallest buildings in Salt Lake City and heard the news while riding the elevator to the 24th floor. Not much work got done that day before they let us go home. We mostly crowded around the few radios and t.v.s in the office.
  
• My sister, AngelFish, was serving a mission in Russia. We waited anxiously to hear from her and to see what would happen world wide.
• My cute little ScienceBoy was about to turn 3. We had him for the weekend and he went out to help The Count put up our flag. He started to say parts of the Pledge of Allegiance that he had heard, including "one nation, under Uncle The Count..." We laughed and thought it was cute. But isn't it nice to have fathers and father figures that you can turn to and recieve comfort and safety. I know that we, as individuals, as a family, and, I'm sure, as a nation also turned to our Heavenly Father during that dark time.
• I was touched by the stories of courage, the outpouring of love, the unifying of our country.

Finding Joy

Today I had my annual dilated eye exam. And by annual, I mean that it's supposed to be annual but my last one was over three years ago. I remembered why my last one was over three years ago. I hate having an annual dilated eye exam. It is not fun. At all. Sure, the doctor was very nice and competent and sociable. The staff were friendly and also competent. And then they stick things in your eye: drops that sting, pokey things, bright lights. And then the panic starts. Anxiety levels go through the roof. And I am actually a little grateful for the drops that sting because I can explain away the sudden wetness on my face with them. (There are very few things in life I don't cry at. I'm not ok with this but I'm trying to be...) So there I am thinking "breathe! Remember to breathe!" and "wow, this isn't going to be such a great day."

And then I'm pulling into the driveway (they temporarily blind you and then send you out to drive home...) and there are two cute little toddlers out for a walk with their Grandma. And they squeal in delight to see me and come in for a treat and give me a big hug and lots of smiles.

And then my awesome sister posts a picture from our practically perfect weekend at our cabin. And I remember how wonderful it was to head up to the mountains and enjoy a last day of end of summer sunshine and then enjoy two days of fall storms with fabulous rain, lightening, thunder, mist, hail, and snow-tipped mountains. I also remember watching great-fun movies on VHS that I haven't seen in years. And playing games with my family laughing at me because I will always pick the green card from the Rook deck.




And then I have a delicious BCT (bacon, cheese, tomato - I don't like lettuce I've decided) sandwich for lunch with fresh from the garden tomatoes. And while I'm eating lunch I am able to see again and pull out a great book that I am loving re-reading (Little Women.)

And I remember to post a favorite quote on Facebook:
"We can distinguish more clearly between divine discontent and the devil's dissonance, between dissatisfaction with self and disdain for self. We need the first and must shun the second, for when conscience calls to us from the next ridge, it is not solely to scold but also to beckon." - Neal A. Maxwell

And so, I decide that today is a great day. I choose to be grateful that the exam, while painful and panic-inducing, went well and showed I had no problems with my eyes. I choose to be grateful that I don't have to worry about having another one for another year. I choose to be grateful that my health has improved to the point that that kind of panic is a rarity in my life now. I choose to be grateful for a wonderful family who can laugh at my OCDness and love me because of my weird quirks. I choose to be grateful for friends who stop to say hi and encourage their granddaughters to be friends as well. I choose to enjoy this glorious fall day. I choose to find joy.