Happy Mothers Day!

It's funny 'cause it's true...


Mothers Day is one of those huge, I-really-should-post-something-truly-deep-and-wonderful days. But I have a couple of problems with that.

A) My Mom is one of those that really hates all of the fuss and hoopla of Mothers Day. And I can never tell if it's because she feels more keenly her shortcomings as a mother (and believe me they are extremely few and far-between - but I sometimes think we Mormons could rival those of the Jewish tradition in the guilt arena...) or because we as her children can't quite get the day right. Probably a bit of both. Though, I think us kids are making strides in the right direction - hopefully.

And 2) I'm not a mother yet and desperately want to be one. My whole life all I've wanted to be was a mother. I'm fast approaching my 32nd birthday and it doesn't look like that dream is going to be happening anytime soon. Most of my friends are married and have children - in the plural. And I do enjoy being an "Honorary Aunt" to whoever will let me be. But that isn't the same as having your own.

Today in Church, one of the speakers gave a beautiful talk on motherhood. And in the middle she talked about women who don't have children of their own yet and how much she appreciates them and the influence they have on her children. I was really touched and got emotional (I know, shocker) and then felt dumb, especially since I was supposed to go up and accompany a musical number as soon as she was done. And I really wished that I wasn't there hearing that talk. Today I finally got a bit of a glimpse into that feeling of "I dread going to Church on Mothers Day." It was totally different than I thought it would be. I always got a bit frustrated when women would say that to me. I mean, come on! Just take the praise, will you? You really do deserve it and you get little enough thanks in the day-to-day job! Also, be grateful that you are a mother to enjoy that praise. Be grateful for the miracle that is motherhood! So many women want that desperately and can't have it. So honor it! But that's not what I felt. It was more of a "I'm uncomfortable with my emotions and would rather not deal with them, especially in public!" feeling. So, I'm sorry to the Moms I've sent frustration vibes at when they've made these comments. Maybe I understand a bit (just a tiny bit) more now.

What all of this rambling boils down to is: cherish the blessing of motherhood if you are lucky enough to be a mother. And if you're not lucky enough to have that blessing yet: Hang in there. There really are amazing perks to being an "Honorary Aunt" - sleeping through the night, being able to spoil adorable children, handing them off when they get cranky, etc. (all of which I would trade in a heart beat - but I'm looking for the joy in my right now).

And to my Mom: thank you. I can't say it enough, and I'm not even going to try to go into details, but thank you. I love you.